Today's poem .. started a little while back but it says how I feel today.

Will this bubble burst?

You think that I could do better
And you doubt that I will stay
You're wondering if it's all a dream
Will this bubble burst one day?

Truth is, I could do without you
But I'd really rather not
I enjoy the time I spend with you
And I treasure it somewhat

Now, my happiness radiates
It shines, and emits a glow
It shouts hallelujah! I'm in love
And I want the world to know

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

Yesterday's poem ... Some backround detail: I was walking, about six months or more ago - having just left the bank and on my way to the supermarket when, for a split second I lost sight of myself. It was the strangest of experiences; and I spent a couple of days trying to put it into words - without success. Then a friend mentioned an episode in which a workmate witnessed a suicide - someone walked into the path of an oncoming car during the morning rush hour. I wondered what makes someone do that; and out popped the poem.

While we are on such a jolly note, another poem - today's - was prompted by the news of the death of a lady who went as far as the ECJ to fight for the right to die with dignity. She lost the battle both in the court and in her bed.

When I go 

When I go, I hope it’s quick
No long drawn out agony
With tears on the faces of those who still care

One instant realisation that it’s over
At last, a release from responsibility and woe
A gasp of relief

No pain, or very little please
A sinking into oblivion, a drowning?
Something that is no one’s fault

And then a drifting
Sliding into a dream of times gone by
Peaceful, with a smile

And the waiting, in limbo
For whatever comes next
There must be something that comes next?

Please God, let there be more … 

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

Learning how to remember is an art form. Yesterday, I commented on the fact that the clocks would change this coming weekend, but that I wasn't sure if we lost an hour or gained one. A companion trotted out the saying 'Spring forward, Fall back' ... her way of remembering which way the clocks go. Another threw in 'Never eat Shredded Wheat' ... and 'big elephants can't always use small exits' - her way of remembering how to spell 'because'.

While I am busy trying to remember how I remember things, I discover a new fact this morning. A 'mundane' event reported on an astrological site tells me about a Moon phase called "Moon void of course" - a phase when the Moon makes its final aspect with another planet before it enters the next zodiac sign. According to the experts on that site, this is a time for relaxation (good!) but not good for important decisions or actions which require a positive outcome (not so good?). However, one saw recommends you (I?) use this time for issues which you (I?!) would prefer to remain unresolved. If I can remember that for just 24 hours ...

Today's poem is about a different phase of life - that split second of time when you doubt your existence is of any consequence. I'll explain tomorrow what prompted me to write it - give you time to sleep on it and make up your own mind what it says.

For one moment

For one moment
I wondered if
I was
still
a person
Someone
who meant anything
to anyone

I walked on a line
instead of a square
that crack
in the pavement
down I slid
My mistaken identity
carefully
hid

I wavered
for less
than a second
and yet
I discover
I have fallen through
Disappeared
from conventional view

Isolated
Silence
day in
and day out
I could
SHOUT
but
no one hears

I could
cry
but does anyone
care
Will anyone
notice
if
I just evaporate 
 
To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

Yesterday, I met a very special seven-year-old called Sam for the first time. He reminded me of another seven-year-old for whom today's poem was originally penned; it has been published - in his seventh birthday card. Sadly, I have lost touch with that lad - but I hope to see Sam again soon.

Seven! Time to ban that ‘b’ word 

Seven! Seven, did you say?
Speak up, now. Be big and bold
Seven? Wow! Boy, that is old!

But growing old is easy
Just watch as the days go by
You say “I’m bored” and then sigh.

Planning your future with care
Time will pass, ever so quick
Staying young: now that's the trick

Yes, make time to play, each day
In the sun and in the rain
Bored? You? No! Never again …

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

I think a lot about things; and I have feelings. Sometimes, the two end up like minestrone soup: a mess. Today, confronted by someone with a decidedly forked tongue, I was reminded of my use of the word 'forked' in two very different poetic contexts. The other poem is perhaps a bit too risqué for a blog ...

Instead, here is one that was written on a coach between Dubrovnik and Montenegro. I was supposed to be working on a publication; but at the Internet café, no articles had arrived by e-mail, so I was at a loose end. I decided to take a day trip, up into the mountains. The only English person on the coach, I had plenty of time to think.

I think I feel 

I think thoughts, I feel feelings
I think I know how I feel
I feel I know what I am thinking
I cannot anticipate what I will think
I do anticipate how I will feel.

Sometimes my feelings surprise me
I am caught by a sudden sadness
Or a sudden joy, a glow from within
Many times my thoughts surprise
Where do they come from? Within? Without?
My thoughts, my feelings, are they equal partners?
Or does one underpin the other?
If I stop thinking, do I still feel?
To feel my feelings must I not think?
My thoughts are the voice of my feelings?

What do I think about words and deeds?
Words are spoken thoughts. Pushed out by emotion.
Deeds are actions, can be carefully planned. Thought through
Or emotional outbursts – good or ill?
Unspoken words are just thoughts that do not surface?
No, surfaced thoughts that are suppressed
Undone deeds – no time or no inclination
Or denied due to convention

I think, therefore I am
Am what? Thoughtful?
A channel for my spirit
For the spirit – the light?
Do I see the light? Am I the light?
Or am I still in darkness
Is it all just a dusky grey
Not black, not white
No truth in sight
Lead the way, take me there
I’ll follow as I must
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust?

How do I feel about words and deeds?
Words flow easily through my pen
Or onto keys but may stumble and fail to find voice
I feel I have no control over what appears
Just let go and watch the ink dry with new form
Deeds – an obligation – to do what is right
But a recklessness to do what is wrong
Risk averse to the point of inactivity
But an imagination of rich proportions
Makes up the gap between what can be done
What ought to be done. What I’d like to do
What I dare to do. And it appears in words
Words form the bridge for the deeds undone to become done
For the things I want to think to materialize
For the way I’d like it to be to become how it is

So what of truth and lies?
It’s all the same in your head?
Truth is the white horse with the flowing mane
Lies slink across the ground as the snake shows his forked tongue
One is good, one entertains … 

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

This poem was written in October 2005. It's not a work of art but, like all my poems, it contains a mix of messages.

One friend uses the term 'somewhen' and I wanted to include it in a poem. Another friend ties a knot in her handkerchief to remind her to do something - while all I thought I needed to remember was how to forget.
I was bitterly disappointed in my 'moralistic hindsight'. Why couldn't I just throw caution to the wind and enjoy life? What held me back? And, I was ever conscious of someone else's comfort zone: very careful not to breach it.
The phosporous? One of those night watches, sailing across some ocean - magic. But only today can I honestly say the ending that I anticipated so long ago has actually happened: I have let go of that dream.

Space enough 

There is space enough between hello and goodbye
To brim fill my head with memories that won’t lie
To listen to unheard words none of us need say
Time still to tie a knot and to forget, to stay

Space enough between here and now, and then and there
To unleash the animal in me, buried bare
To walk out of darkness, drench my soul with sunlight,
Time still to untame my moralistic hindsight

Space enough to squeeze us between the sea and sky
To tenderize your thoughts into marshmallow pie
To meander meaningfully across mine own
Time to breach the sanctity of your comfort zone

And yes, space enough between somewhere and somewhen
To hold the promise of your kiss once forgotten
To cling to the taste of your body tenderly
Time to half fill my lungs without your loving me

And while there is never enough space between us
To separate thoughts that glide past like phosphorous
It’s too late to wait for your hand to fit my glove
It’s time to accept you’re gone, forever my love 

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

On Friday, I spent some time babysitting a boat while its owner went to the chandler's to purchase new screws. Thirty minutes or more away from my laptop, but I had a notebook with me. I started writing this poem, in the most glorious of settings. I finished it today ...

Knowing when to duck

If you don’t know which way the wind blows
How can you tell when to duck?
Will you survive when your world falls in
If you’re blind to the portents of luck?

Look at the daffodils’ nodding heads
Hang on to each word they say
Stop for a moment, breathe in the view
And accept its wisdom on the day

Now watch ripples skid across the lake
And see the gust passing by
Study the sky for traces of cloud
Ignore the turmoil; just let it fly

Turn your back to the storm, walk away
Let dignity hold truth fast
Let others vent anger, and they will
You must wait till this shower has passed

Then, when the sun shines in its glory
When the rain has disappeared
You’ll wander off into the sunset
Forgetting all the ills you had feared

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

Two sunny days on the trot. Must be spring. And yes, snow is forecast for Easter ... what next?

Today's poem came to me while replying to an email from a special person. He was saying thank you for something I had done and I almost included it in my reply. I decided it needed polishing first. But here it is:

Today is better with you

Today is better
When I am with you
The sun shines so bright
The sky is so blue

The air smells sweeter
The woo-ing birds sing
My world is alive
And it feels like spring

Just seeing your smile
It gives me a glow
While holding your hand
I feel my love grow

Tonight is special
See! The moon is full
Lain here in your arms
I can feel its pull

Tomorrow’s promise
Together, we’ll be
As partners, in step
For the world to see

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

This morning, I can see light at the end of one tunnel, or perhaps it is an express train coming?

Today's poem was inspired by another photo taken by Karen Hall - see her gallery in my Photo section. It sums up how I feel.

Ripples of reflection

The many dragons to slay, spring forth from life’s parabolic fountain
Seen in the mirrored view of passion and deep dark thoughts of mine
They’re scattered by ripples, then softened by my watery reflection
And smoothed away by the slow relentless rhythmical hand of time.

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk

I am ashamed to say that, today, something upset me so much that I felt angry enough to throttle someone. Anyone would have done.

I win, in the end

Don’t push your luck
Trigger happy
My barrel’s full of lead
If there’s nonsense from you
Well, I’ll blow you apart
Any old excuse will do
And you’ll find yourself dead

So don’t cross me
I am taking
No prisoners today
Don’t give me any lip
Don’t try to be clever
I’m shooting from the hip
And you are in my way

Don’t believe me?
Think it’s some joke?
Well, you must learn, my friend!
You see this baseball bat?
See how I make it swing?
Your head? A pumpkin! Splat!
See?  I win, in the end.

Not my usual style?!

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk 

On Tuesday evenings, once a fortnight, I meet with friends to discuss the writings of Rudolf Steiner. Last night, we spent some time thinking about time, and how spirits in Kamaloka could work on the human being during his/her lifetime. The conventional view is that time is a continuum - it goes on and on - but I saw it as a concertina, with lifetimes overlaid.

Kamaloka

Last night
As I fell deep into sleep
I met me, coming back
The other way
A friend I thought
And I was half right
But it was hard work
And there was no play

She showed my life
Fast forwarded, yet
As in a mirror
Reversing the reel
And this morning
When she waved goodbye
I felt I knew how
I’d made others feel

I was rewarded
Was recompensed
Punished, pricked with pain
I heard my own screams
In the concertina of time
Where
She says she’s heading
For yesterday’s dreams

A one-off nightmare?
I hear you ask
Oh, if only it were so
Heaven sent
But she promised
To pop in, each night
To review just how
My today was spent

Friends mean well; they worry you will be hurt. They caution you against a course of action which might end in tears. Parents do the same: limiting their child from harm, pulling them back from the edge. Understandable, the child is so precious.

But sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind? Take a risk? In for a penny? In for a pound?

A woman who knows

Beware the woman who knows what she wants?
Surely, she’s the one to admire?
She’ll have a plan, not forgetting her man
Which ends in her funeral pyre

She’ll walk on water; not wetting her toes
So sure only she knows what’s best
See where she goes and follow as you will
If her entrapment be your quest

She’ll seek mountains to climb, rivers to cross
She’ll probably stride through the fire
There’s nothing she sees as impossible
Hold her hand and, you, she’ll inspire

So, no need to step back, no need for fear
Watch for that woman of your dreams
She’ll be worth the excitement of the chase
And prove to be all that she seems

To see other poems, visit my website: annerainbow.me.uk 

Prick me, I bleed?

Skin deep?

Why do you dress up to the nines, to kill?
Why do you bother to lay it on thick?
Do you really think he'll still fall for this?
Do you really think with you he will stick?

He sees right past your painted pouting lips
He can hear the scornful note in your voice
He hates how you suck on your cigarette
And, before you exhale, he’ll make his choice

You are so slim, boasting a size 10 waist
Yet he’s not fooled by your beauty, skin deep
You may have an air of class about you
But I’d lay money, with you, he'll not sleep

What he needs is someone to share his smile
A special person who is kind and true
Don’t you see that’s where the real contest lies
And that’s why his future won’t be with you

Your time is up. Yes, it’s over and done
So just take your things with you, please, and go
You enjoyed the slowest death of a man
And there’s nothing left for you, now, you know

When he’s had time to recover his grace
And when his sense of humour has returned
He’ll embrace the wonder of tomorrow
While memories of life with you are burned